I can certainly knock off the "wild". Let me hie to it...Thanks, Lynn. Tom

Tom, love this.  So want to hear the tune.  As a sometimes muso, I once tried the impossible of tune and lyrics - talk about a tango tangle!

"Your laugh as effortless as air" a bit flat, maybe "Your laugh as nonchalant as air"?

Your "walk on water" chorus (as I read it) is my favourite, please don't change it!

k

Promise. Will also see about that "effortless" -- that's three syllables, a lot of possibility. "Nonchalant," though, no: to me, oddly, that word almost means "studied". Thanks for the helpful thoughts, Kevin. Tom

My ex-h and I used to write lyrics.  He's a singer and musician.  Writing lyrics is different from poetry in that you can get away with more, so my suggestion (or question) may not mean much at all--depending on the tune. 

In your bridge, 'let it loose' and 'set it free' seem odd to me because I don't know what 'it' is or can't tie those lines to 'walking on water'.  If you could connect the bridge to the chorus somehow, I think the song would be perfect.

cheryl

Thanks again for the advice, Cheryl. I took it, and new version seems far better. Tom

Yeah, now that is very cool, to me anyway.  One walks on water and the other is drowning in it.  Love the 'hot as prayer' line, too.

I know, Mikael. There are some great songs whose lyrics are poetry -- Lucinda Williams, Beatles, Tom Waits come to mind -- some great songs whose lyrics are godawful as poetry -- some terrible songs whose lyrics are poetry. But I think good lyrics ever caused a song to be bad, so...!
Thank you very muc for your thoughts. Tom

Thank you, Cheryl. You've been a great help on this. I'm giving it to my wife now to set the song lines into instrumental music originally given me (the real work!). Tom

I love hearing a song, reading the lyrics and discovering I like the song even more.  Sometimes just the opposite happens.  But I don't think I've ever liked a song just for it's lyrics.

The music has to come first,  I think.        Yet, I can think of lyrics I love but can't stand the music.  Curt Cobain used to write some very cool lyrics but I couldn't stand his music.  What was the name of the band?  Incubus?