In the marrow of my bone,
    a mustang prances;
    a pinto, a medicine hat,
    a Palomino…
He changes with the seasons.

Each season I breathe harder
    walk harder, look harder,
    and he prances like a tiny bell,
    circles with mane greatly billowed
    with no borders to horizons.

There is no aging for a rebel,
    only charging and recharging
    challenge leading challenge except
    for late winters of cold white snow.

They suck the marrow from the bone,
    the bell and all that was the bell.
Powdery bones give way to windy howls
    like this cold day riding atop springtime,
    chilling what's left with laughter’s irreverence.

JoseMarGuerr © Monday, April 13, 2009

Excelente, Jose. I will surely pick this one later, if no other editor hasn't done it already.

milner

beautiful is right & wonderful & pretty magnifico amigo

Jose, my favorite lines in this enjoyble read are in last S: "the bell and all that was the bell" and "like this cold day riding atop springtime." The idea of the mustang/bell sapping strength is strong.
The "medicine hat" in with the 3 horses in S1 is interesting too, and I wonder if it works better between "pinto" and "Palomino", allowing for shift back and forth.
--Tom

amazing work, Jose

ditto above praises, they are certainly deserved

Stella

Delightful!  I especially like L3S2. 
Rick

Echoes shatter in emptiness,  --- this line, para mi, doesn't ring with the clear and muy bonita voice of todo otra.

Pero, mi amigo!  All else is wonderful and if Milner will forgive me, I will move this up to Editor's Picks.

su amiga, lynn 

Jose, I like the images in the first two stanzas of your draft, but the more I read it,
the more I thought the poem was in the last two stanzas.

I made a few changes for your consideration. Round file what doesn't work for you.

Maggie



There is no aging for a rebel,
    only charging and recharging,
    challenge leading challenge except
    for late winters of cold white snow
    that suck the marrow from the bone,
    the bell and all that was the bell.

Powder gives way to wind, to howls—
    this cold day rides atop springtime
    chilling the bones with echoes of irreverence.

Well Thank you all for your kind comments and the help you offer! Gracias!  ;D and Ms. Lynn thank you for picking this work. I am very happy thank you. I have to agree with you on the line in question. I am thinking of removing it altogether as it seems lost in the caves so to speak. i had trouble giving it an edge to compliment 'lo demas de la obra' (the rest of the work) I doubt I even need it anymore.

Ms. Maggie, i fear I will lose the story telling feel I was seeking though without it being the singular driving  force behind the piece. Let me think on it. Gracias for taking the time.  ;D I do what you've done with those lines though ;D

Mr. Tom I don't really see that there needs to be a shift there? Three animals, three names and perhaps any order will do actually. Sound wise they sound about the same to me where ever I put them. The first placement suits me for now.  ;D But thanks for taking the time you did.  ;D

Mr. Rick, Ms. Stella, Mr. Milner, Mr. Rashmi and Mr. Silent Lotus, thank you all as well for stopping by to read and comment on this writing. So very much appreciated.  ;D I hope I didn't forget anyone and if so please thank you also for stoping by to read and comment.  ;D
JMG  ;D

um...I took out that echoe line and changed the last line a bit. I hope it reads better?
JMG  :)

It's always read fine, for me, Jose, and it certainly isn't worse for the changes.
milner

so happy I came back for another read of this fine piece. well-deserved pick!

The end much improved, I think, Jose. Excellent revision. Toward the end of S2, reading the two "with"s still gives me a little clunk; beyond that, totally saddle me up! Tom

Gracias Señor Milner. I thought the line had no weight and wouldn't be missed and it appears Ms. Lynn was also right. I don't miss it and neither does the work heh  ;D

Thanks Ms. Stella  ;D Your suppport is very special too. Merci pour votre revue.  :D
Mr. Tom...hm, let me strew on those'withs' for a while. Sound is a critical consideration for me at this juncture. Tanks for you comentarios.  ;D
JMG

If it were just "three animals, three names," you're right, any order might do, Jose. But it's animal/medicinehat/animal/animal, and that makes it more complicated, to me. But of course, it should be as you want it. Tom

I don't really get what it is your tyring to convince me of Mr. Tom.  BUT! I seperated the 'o's' and sound wise that seems to work for me too.   ;D Actually, I sort of like it that way better for sound now. heh ;D
JMG

The usual difficulty in making a choice, but this kept pulling me back to it, and I think it well worthy of this spot.

milner

Señor Milner! Now this I did not expect and to awaken this morning to find this here is a proud moment ahah.  ;D Thank you. No more speech, just rosy cheeks to burn all day. heh ;D wow...
JMG

good to see your words up on the billboard,Jose.

Hey, Jose! Congrats! Tom

This is the first time that I have read your work and I am not at all disappointed.  Very fine indeed. Congratulations for your well deserved placement.

Sherry

Applauding here!  Congratulations on front page pick, Jose!

lynn

muchas felicitaciones!! (correcto?)
many congratulations, Jose. well-deserved honour!

Stella

Gracias, Merci, Danke too! and salamat and gratsie and in every language i can think of to you ladies and gentlemen.  heh  ;D Ms. Stella si, you said it right ahah.  Bien hecho.  ;D Nice to meet you too Ms. Sherry. All-a yous thanks again por el honor.  ;D OH and Mr. Lotus, thanks to you too.  ;D
JMG

Just enjoyed this again, Jose.  Maggie

There's wonderful music in this, Jose:

They suck the marrow from the bone,
    the bell and all that was the bell.

Well deserved pick for front page.

Superb poem, Jose. Well worthy of the front page.

James

Been enjoying this all week, great work, Jose.