teahouse poet
secretly watches
my two boys
and scribbles
in her notebook

one presses
mirror sunglasses
to the eel tank
and says
this is what you look like

the other orders
lichee drink
and pours
the smell of roses
from a hard steel can

the chopsticks
are lacquered black
and so smooth
that the lo mein
is giggling

she is thirty
and looks good
I make a note
to watch
for her poem

 

I really like your style Tom.  I always seem to like what you write.  Thinkin' maybe I like the mystery, which makes the subtle romanticism, erotic.  Or maybe it's the other way around.

This is another poem I'll read more than once, and love it every time I read it. 

No flattery--just fact.

c

Thanks for reading and reporting, Cheryl. Glad you enjoyed, whichever way around! Tom

this I like a real lot, and on an unrelated note, perfectly describes Edward James Olmos' acting.

Matt!  No one was supposed to sniff out that theme/allusion until a century after my death! God, man! Leave something  for the literary scholars!

No idea what you two buzzards are talking about, with that allusion, but still enjoy the poem.

Cheers

milner

I don't either, Milner, but I intend to find out (whatever I can). ; )

Tom, just wanted to tell you here's another poem I keep revisting because of the enjoyment.

In a comment to Milner I realized maybe I should do that more often.  Wouldn't it be fun to know each time someone read your poem once again, just for the sheer enjoyment?  I guess that could be one angle of the view option, but to have a comment along with--what a pleasure.

Anyway, here's a positive bump just because the poem is just so darn cool.

(and you'll probably get another from me after I discover or should say if I discover this thing about roses and tin cans.  how fun.  lol)

I would never steep to dole stain unto thine Tom-honorness

for some strange reason this makes me hungry for chinese food - must be a good write

Thanks for reading and comment, Milner. Olmos chatter just fun chatter--not required reading! Tom

A high compliment indeed, thank you, Rashmi. Indeed, brought back from a mouthwatering day in Chinatown. -Tom

Mmmm, Tom.  (as in appreiciative sound)

Title...understated, at least three layers, doesn't give anything away, inviting.

Form...tall and elegant, fitting.  puncuation marks absent and not missed...the short lines flow nicely, the five line stanza length maybe helping here.

Voice...intrigued, relaxed, the observer observed.

A sensous poem...smell of roses, laquered chopsticks,
I see the pictures so well.

Odd final linebreak?

Thorough analysis, Sue. Thank you! I hope you are right on all points, including the last one, which I emended. All the other prepositions in the poem begin lines, so it was certainly inconsistent. Tom

Yes, if.
It's just one of those reality-based things that next to no one would have actually experienced -- these super-hard steel soda-cans of lichee drink that smells strongly of roses. But I hoped it worked in the poem regardless, and without being too reminiscent of Guns N Roses.

Tom, Matt's hit on 'the the smell of roses from a hard steel can' describing
Edward James Olmos' acting is so on my head is hurting!

I like the poem and for now I'd let it sit for a long while before you ever consider revising it.

Maggie

Enjoyed.

ld

tom leave it be man! really dig this piece, although in the back of my mind i'm thinking that a chineese restaurant is a noisy crowded place to be writing...but hey, whatever environment strikes inspiration, cool to know yours is sizzling hibachi and sake

You know her, then? Otherwise, how do you know what the notes are for? I like the way the story is set up and executed. Especially liked the giggling lo mein. How appropriate as a reflection of the kids and their actions.

I'm picking this.

Spy v. spy, I guess. Takes one to know one? Done that for many years and this one time I said: I know what you're doing! So, to answer you question, I don't know, the poem doesn't know, and for all we know the lo mein was actually groaning! Tom

Well, that sounds easy. Thanks, Maggie

Thank you Larry. Tom

you did good, larry.  [oh, and you tom, for spying on the spy who may have been writing 'his poem' as you wrote hers  ;).]

Not sure I want to read that one, Lynn. In earlier drafts, I had named her poem--"Old Guy with Kids", "Fat Guy with His Boys," that sort of thing. For obvious reasons, I decided not to title it and just go with "her poem"! Tom

;)

I just want to know if she (the good-lookin' chick) said:
副 是;回答肯定时皆用此字,  人称代名词[你.

: | : |,
cheryl

You've put a new meaning to the phrase: 'I like your poem'. Glad to see it up here.

milner

After I'm done laughing, Milner, what do you think about removing "out" from 2nd to last line? Tom

It's those straight teeth of his, milner.

Good catch, Tom. I'd take it out.  Maggie

Done.

poem abbout poet watching poet watching poet's kids:  mirror held to mirror producing infinite tunnel (except that about sixteen interations back, I swear one of them is waving).

Wonderful, clever, touching. I've been on both sides of the pen.

Favorite S:

one presses
mirror sunglasses
to the eel tank
and says
this is what you look like

just because I like kids.

Rick and Lavonne, thanks for reading and letting me know how it read. Tom

Still coming back to this.  Very rewarding.  better without out.

You can thank Milner's dirty mind for that.

Just enjoyed this again.

Way 2 go, guy.

Awesome job.  Awesome pick.

Your talent outshines all that stuff and everthing else, etcetera, blah, blah.

Very glad to see this here,
cheryl

Tom,
I looked for my comment as I know I read this wonderful piece when you
first posted it ~ sometimes I get distracted so will take this opportunity to say,
 I love the giggling lo mein and congratulations, all at once!

Stella

Thanks, Cheryl and Stella. What a fine surprise here! I half expected it to be 'her poem'. Tom

Congratulations, Tom!

Happy for you, Tom, that she made it.

milner

Well said.

;)

Excellent front page - my first time reading this one and it was much enjoyed!  Michelle

Terrific!  So pleased to see this one Featured.  Bravo, YOU!

ld

tom- not that i don't enjoy much of what and how you write, but i thought this one to be particular cool, coy, and clever.  using very minimal words you were able to give me such a vivid image of how this teahouse looks and feels.  the last stanza is a great wrap.  very appropriate pick for our front page.  -lawrence

Thanks so much,  all, for the welcome to Front Page. Lawrence, I have noted with pleasure your saying "our front page" (after your recent "fling", shh, nevermind everyone else). Tom

This poem has taken the craft to a new level; poets
no longer use only other people as fodder.

That's what I particularily like about it,
no one is safe.

:)

Spy v. Spy

Tom, sorry for late response on this.  Every time I open PC I read it again and pledge to leave and comment, and then don't!

Till this time.  Really great read.  So casual and yet so intimate, and nuanced.

Wonderful to see it on the Front Page - well deserved my friend.

k

Thank you, sir. Glad you like it, proud it's here. Tom