teahouse poet
secretly watches
my two boys
and scribbles
in her notebook

one presses
mirror sunglasses
to the eel tank
and says
this is what you look like

the other orders
lichee drink
and pours
the smell of roses
from a hard steel can

the chopsticks
are lacquered black
and so smooth
that the lo mein
is giggling

she is thirty
and looks good
I make a note
to watch
for her poem

 

I really like your style Tom.  I always seem to like what you write.  Thinkin' maybe I like the mystery, which makes the subtle romanticism, erotic.  Or maybe it's the other way around.

This is another poem I'll read more than once, and love it every time I read it. 

No flattery--just fact.

c

Thanks for reading and reporting, Cheryl. Glad you enjoyed, whichever way around! Tom

this I like a real lot, and on an unrelated note, perfectly describes Edward James Olmos' acting.

Matt!  No one was supposed to sniff out that theme/allusion until a century after my death! God, man! Leave something  for the literary scholars!

No idea what you two buzzards are talking about, with that allusion, but still enjoy the poem.

Cheers

milner

I don't either, Milner, but I intend to find out (whatever I can). ; )

Tom, just wanted to tell you here's another poem I keep revisting because of the enjoyment.

In a comment to Milner I realized maybe I should do that more often.  Wouldn't it be fun to know each time someone read your poem once again, just for the sheer enjoyment?  I guess that could be one angle of the view option, but to have a comment along with--what a pleasure.

Anyway, here's a positive bump just because the poem is just so darn cool.

(and you'll probably get another from me after I discover or should say if I discover this thing about roses and tin cans.  how fun.  lol)

I would never steep to dole stain unto thine Tom-honorness

for some strange reason this makes me hungry for chinese food - must be a good write

Thanks for reading and comment, Milner. Olmos chatter just fun chatter--not required reading! Tom

A high compliment indeed, thank you, Rashmi. Indeed, brought back from a mouthwatering day in Chinatown. -Tom

Mmmm, Tom.  (as in appreiciative sound)

Title...understated, at least three layers, doesn't give anything away, inviting.

Form...tall and elegant, fitting.  puncuation marks absent and not missed...the short lines flow nicely, the five line stanza length maybe helping here.

Voice...intrigued, relaxed, the observer observed.

A sensous poem...smell of roses, laquered chopsticks,
I see the pictures so well.

Odd final linebreak?

Thorough analysis, Sue. Thank you! I hope you are right on all points, including the last one, which I emended. All the other prepositions in the poem begin lines, so it was certainly inconsistent. Tom

Yes, if.
It's just one of those reality-based things that next to no one would have actually experienced -- these super-hard steel soda-cans of lichee drink that smells strongly of roses. But I hoped it worked in the poem regardless, and without being too reminiscent of Guns N Roses.

Tom, Matt's hit on 'the the smell of roses from a hard steel can' describing
Edward James Olmos' acting is so on my head is hurting!

I like the poem and for now I'd let it sit for a long while before you ever consider revising it.

Maggie