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take me home
« on: April 10, 2009, 11:43:25 PM » by Jess Miltner

whoever you are
if love
is why
there's singing
in the silence of trees
then
find me

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it's an anywhere road for anybody anyhow

Re: take me home
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2009, 11:45:30 PM » by Tom Riordan

Whoa! Love it, Jess! Straight to the heart. - Tom

Quote

whoever you are
if love
is why
there is singing
in the silence of trees
then
find me

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Re: take me home
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2009, 11:47:43 PM » by EB

isn't your title a song title?

the poem, I love-

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Re: take me home
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2009, 12:24:13 AM » by ca.leverette

I agree. This is when length doesn't matter & short isn't anything but beautiful.

Cheryl

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"A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness." ~ Robert Frost

Re: take me home
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2009, 03:24:58 AM » by Tiko Lewis

BINGO!!!!! AWESOME!!!!!!!! DAMN!!!!!!! HOT DAMN!!!!!!!

This is wonderful.

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...i don't eat jelly beans afterward.

Re: take me home
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2009, 05:19:15 AM » by milner place

Nice one, Jess. Reading it aloud I found it flowed better if 'there is' is shortened to 'there's'. Might consider taking the 'then' out too, for a similar reason.

Cheers

milner

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'Caminante, no hay camino,
se hace camino al andar'
- Antonio Machado

Latest book 'naked invitation' $15 or £10, p&p inc milnerplace@msn.com

Re: take me home
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2009, 06:41:43 AM » by silent lotus

Dear Jess

A true beauty

and with Milner's apostrophe
it will be singing just that much sweeter.

miles of smiles
silent lotus

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Re: take me home
« Reply #7 on: April 11, 2009, 01:56:12 PM » by Jess Miltner

like that idea milner, thanks. glad this poem was received well :)

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it's an anywhere road for anybody anyhow

Re: take me home
« Reply #8 on: April 11, 2009, 06:34:53 PM » by Jerry Pike

ooo very nice...and dripping in romance
jerry

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Re: take me home
« Reply #9 on: April 12, 2009, 05:17:04 AM » by jamesthomashoward

Jess, really impressed by this one. Excellent.

James

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Cough.

Re: take me home
« Reply #10 on: April 15, 2009, 06:28:02 PM » by Tom Riordan

Will take this home to Picks now, Jess. -Tom

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Re: take me home
« Reply #11 on: April 16, 2009, 12:38:32 AM » by Jess Miltner

thank you

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it's an anywhere road for anybody anyhow

Re: take me home
« Reply #12 on: April 16, 2009, 01:06:03 AM » by maggie flanagan-wilkie

Jess, this has a lot going it for it as a first draft but I don't think it's there yet.

'whoever you are' is an unknown with no relationship to the 'love' the 'me' hears 'singing in the silence of the trees'.

The burden to carry this poem is on the 'me'.

I made some ajustments to what you posted based on sound, Jess.
Lines need to give the reader at least an earful before they end,
stresses need to be in the right place for the line to work.

whoever you are

if love is why
there's singing
in the silence of trees

then find me

Just a thought, but I would explore this deeper, Jess.

Maggie

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Re: take me home
« Reply #13 on: April 16, 2009, 01:23:56 AM » by Lynn Doiron

Congrats on the pick, Jess. Just found and read and enjoyed for its staightforward request. Puts me in a quiet place, a wishful place. Lovely.

ld

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My blogs:
http://lwww.lynndoiron.wordpress.com for memoir/journal/poetry

Re: take me home
« Reply #14 on: July 31, 2009, 02:39:25 PM » by Tiko Lewis

I looked for this. I looked
and looked and
looked.

I found it.

Tiko

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...i don't eat jelly beans afterward.

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