in the store
of juan el brujo

dust
is reverenced

left to spread
power
with stealthy breath
over the offerings
hung
from rusted nails

spears of agave
dead mice
cicadas rattling snakes
garlic cloves and juniper sprigs
all powder dressed

jars of humbugs
jugs of mescal
the only things
wiped clean
to shine

he stops
his weekly sweeping
of the floor

to watch
dust’s magic
dancing
out the door

Hey Milner,

I'm loving this, particularly the lists you vividly detail and create an atmosphere so completely for the reader.  I have just one bump, a minor one, in the last verse, did you intend for that bit of rhyming?  It feels unintentional because the meter is off from the rest of the poem.

Otherwise, I'm a fan.

Tim

Do so many things so well here, Milner: send us pondering the real wonder of dust, comment on what we prefer to mystery, give a good portrait of Juan--and make us long for those candies, while grinning at the apt way you used their entendre! Very enjoyable, think "all dress themselves/in sacred coats//patina of mystery" might just be "dressed in sacred coats" or something briefer, but I'm hardly one to complain of your (or Rick's) long-windedness! Tom

all dress themselves / in mystery's patina

?

The coats and the mystery was more than I needed, too.  Love the details, Milner.  Always a pleasure.

ld

For better or worse, Tim, the rhyme is intentional. Glad you like that SL.

You're right, Tom and Lynn. The patina of mystery was a left over from a first draft, and should have gone after a changed ending had been devised.

Cheers

milner

I think sanctity/reverenced/power/wisdom/magic is overkill in such a short poem Milner. I'm also confused by the line "all dress themselves". Dress themselves in dust--- is that the point? If so, doesn't that contradict S3? In fact I think S3 is the weakest and could go.
I also find the rhyme distracting and forced. I mean, do we really need the line "of the floor"? Seems it's only there in service of the rhyme.

I do like the idea of a store where dust is reverenced but this isn't coming to life for me just yet.

B.

I guess the problem for you already lies in compression, Brian, as I'm both trying to set the scene, and the 'brujo's' thinking at once. It seems to have got through Ok to others, but I take your points seriously, and will come back fresh to it tomorrow. Too tired now to think clearly, on this or your recent posts.

Cheers

milner

Cheers

Milner,

I side with leaving the lastS alone. The sound stands out and rhymes as Tim points out in a bit out of character, but the sound is also important to that image of dust playing in the sun that we all have witnessed. The play here dances with the flavors of the culture. It's a might precarious, but I think it works-----today.

larry

That you 'think it works----- today', Larry, will do-----for now. I was trying to get that dance music in to that last stanza. Thanks

milner

Some changes to S 3 and 4. Hope these serve better.

Cheers

milner

Milner, I like the new S3's juxtaposition of "power" with imagery that evokes the Crucifixion. The S4 "powder dressed" echoes it in a way that clinks to me, though. Tom

I love this poem.

Thanks, Tom. I'd no idea how hard it would prove to find another word for 'dust' that would suit. I wonder if I used 'smoke dressed' it would work better? Probably too far away and misleading.

Thanks Jay, and for the compliment of a pick.

Cheers

milner

The pleasure is mine. The line breaks, the cadence, everything is wonderful here.

'The pleasure is mine. The line breaks, the cadence, everything is wonderful here.'

That requires a very special thank you, Jay.

Cheers

milner

My turn to pick?  I'm glad to have found something good so fast.  I am so busy at work right now that I don't really have time to surf at all, so I have to apologize for the many worthy pieces I probably didn't even read.  Usually I have something in mind way before my turn, but that wasn't the case today.

I confess, namewise, I went with a sure bet.  I was brand name shopping, if you will....

Enjoyed this Mil,

D

What a delight to find this up front! 

ld

Seems to demean the idea of the front page a little, if you ask me. It's a good poem, I enjoy it, don't get me wrong, but it's not your best Milner, nor the best candidate for a  feature. Lovely sound, as always, but the ending's a little off for me.

thanks

James

My oh my, D, what a real surprise and pleasure to see this little fellow up there for a week. Magic. Hope you get some more time soon, so we can enjoy more of your sparkling poems.

Cheers

milner

Always a pleasure, Milner. Tom

How dull and predictable to find this here.

And ditto to that.

Admirably candid if not  wholly reassuring for writers who cannot boast a "brand name".

Not much good at making qualitive judgements on my own stuff, James. Thanks for your opinion. The ending is so to reflect my image of the man, and that makes it hard to change. That won't stop me thinking further on't.

Cheers

milner

this.

All credibility comes into question when editors pick editors as a "safe bet".

Understand everyone's reactions, but the site is characterized by casualness and personal choices at every level. Why do you read what you read? Why do you reply to what you reply to? Because you have time, because you feel like it, because you've liked what you've seen in the past from an author. Desiree apologized in her post because she wished she could have read more, thought more, but she couldn't. C'est la vie--literally. Tom

LOL - I don't think Milner was picked for being an "editor" - I think as a "safe bet" she meant that

Milner is an exceptional and acomplished poet - which he is, of course....

this is a store I want to get a glimpse of Milner - xo M

This worry about the process reminds of the workplace. Everyone wants to design the logo, nobody wants to do the work. If you think the poem has faults, say so. It doesn't matter where the poem is. This site is not touted as some perfect process. It is diverse and is what it is. The value is the honest (hopefully) comments about the work. Again if you've a comment about the process put it on the Discussion board and keep the thread for the poem about the poem. Yes, I just violated my own rant, but I've had plenty of gin and beginning to see dust mites in the dark.

larry

Thanks guys, for all comments. This is just to say I've opened a thread for Front Page selection, on the discussions board, so you can post your relevant opinions on that there.

Cheers

milner

Glad someone else shared my high opinion of this piece.

I could not endorse a better pick for the Front Page.  The title alone does it for me.

Congrats, Milner.

Tim

Thanks Jay, Tim, and all others who've complimented this poem; my respect for the contrary opinions. The latter prove the site's strength. Don't know when I've had such a divided camp over a poem - may be better than I'd thought ;)

Cheers

milner

Oh golly, oh gee. EB I neglected to reveal my delight at your wonderful post.

Thanks, thanks.

milner

Ola, mi amigo! Have finally landed in front of a puter with time to read.

Made a few suggestions below for you to mull over, Mil.

Loved your use of sorcerror to set up expectation.
When I got to the end I had the image of Mickey Mouse from Fantasia
"dancing" in my head.

Maggie






in the store
of juan el brujo

dust
is reverenced * Love this, Milner.

left to spread
its power
over offerings
hung
from rusted nails

spears of agave
dead mice
cicadas rattling snakes
garlic cloves and juniper sprigs
all powder dressed

jars of humbugs
jugs of mescal
the only things
wiped  clean
to shine

he stops
his weekly sweeping
of the floor
Juan does

to watch
dust’s magic
dancing
out the door

Yes, EB's post delighted me too.

Thanks, Maggie. Will enter mull mode later in the day, or night, or when the muse enwraps me with perfumes stolen from undiscovered flowers, sprinkled with the dust of rainbows and passing comets, or I drop dead meanwhile from a surfeit of lampreys.

Much cheer

milner

Still in a big mull over this, Maggie. Can't quite fit that 'juan does' into milner speak. But I am going to put a line break into there before resuming my mull.

Cheers

milner

Have been absent for ages here.  I see Milner is continuing to amaze, always.  This is wonderful stuff, the choice of subject daring and rich.  I'm sneezing here and can smelll this place, rolling in the tactile quality of the poem.

 ;)

nm   

Thanks, n.m. Good to see you back, and with such a fine poem as Us.

Cheers

milner