I almost decide not to get out
once my car hits the water
and the windshield turns gray;
my foot     still on the brake

once my car hits the water.
Rain-slicked road, end of a dream,
my foot still on the brake.
Stopping is never the question.

Rain-slicked road:  end of a dream
that runs and blurs and bleeds as if
stopping is never the question;
this is a     barrel this is Niagara

that runs and blurs and bleeds, as if.
I hold my breath another minute—
this is a barrel, this is Niagara.
Falling comes much too easy.

I hold my breath     another minute
another second, a stone sinking
falling comes much too easy.
The river inhales, the sky muddies.

Another second, a stone sinking
and the windshield turns gray.
The river inhales the sky     muddies.

I almost decide not to get out.

WOW!

Great to find you here Tim! Welcome, welcome!

WOW!

B.

Ditto that. I had an accident like that on a New Year's eve long ago. Your poem brought the whole thing back. Wow.

(Not to mention the plane crashing into the river today into the Hudson.)

Very beautifully done, Timothy! Welcome to the site, too. Don't think I've ever read anything quite like this form, which you've used so powerfully to make the poem. At first I thought in the title, then I thought in the last line--I don't know but I wanted to see just "I almost decide." somewhere. Anyway, I think you've made quite a splash with this as your introduction to the PC! -Tom

Timothy~ Strong and engaging work. I almost like it better without the last line. But I'm weird.
take care~dale

Perfect title.  If there's anything to fix, don't.  The movement, the repetitions, the partials, the graying, the going down, the almost, the almost is so clearly there.  I remember when my car left the road once, twenty plus years ago, and how the mug of coffe on the dash rocked back and forth while we [me and car] were airborne and how I wondered if it would spill, mess up the carpet with coffee stains.  Not a thought about my "life passed before me" . . . and this one captures that suspension, the seconds in between lift off and

Thanks to everyone for the welcome.  I've been exploring PC and I'm very impressed with the commitment to contemporary poetry.

The form is a pantoum, a Malaysian form brought to the western world by Victor Hugo.  The line repetitions are dictated, but the form itself has no limit on length, only that you must finish with the line you opened.  The form works best when the narrative suggests a 'piling up' effect, like a snowball and the action continues to build on itself.

Anyway, thanks for the welcome and I look forward to reading more great poetry.

Tim

I like the psychology of it, the very detailed and intense observation.

Rick

Hello, Tim.  I don't think that I've read this one.  The form is almost haunting.  Well done.  Hope you're feeling better.  See you Sunday.

Sherry

I'm glad you made it here, Tim.

The tension gets inside you as you read.

The perfect debut piece.

Maggie

Should say I'm sorry because I missed this, Tim, but can't, with honesty, because it's given so much pleasure to this morning. Excellent.

milner

Timothy - Let me add my welcome - a truly exceptional piece - look forward to many more!  xo Michelle

This is so well done.   From the title to the killer last line----applause.

You've managed to write a poem that is good in and of itself.  But to also make it fit this form is quite a feat---or I should say, to make the form seem natural, so unobtrusive, is quite something.  (I've tried writing in every form I ever heard of, and the hardest part is to keep it from screaming "look at me, I'm a sonnet- pantoum- villanelle!!")   

Kudos.
Lynne 

I love all the sounds in this one. My lips love it. At first the present tense seemed a little off to me but midway through I changed my mind and now I like it.

Great choice for front page. Congratulations!

Look at you making the front page so soon off the block.  Excellent poem!  Excellent choice!

Sherry

Nice. -Tom

Excellent choice!!!

Maggie

Thanks for all your kind words.  I am truly flattered to see my poem here...and Brian will tell you I was very surprised. 

Sincerely,
Tim

bravo

Excellent poem! Excellent choice!
Vasile

How many times can you read Excellent poem! Excellent choice!  Because I must leave those same words here again, plus BravoBravoBravo!!!

~ lynn