they don’t get it, do they?

not saying
more than
twenty words
to each other
the whole afternoon,
we planted and
hosed and
scrubbed
the entire yard,
getting the place
ready for summer.

when we were done,
your shoes
and jeans
were soaked…

my hands were sore
and my neck
was stiff.

we came in the house,
ate a salad
and fell asleep
in front of the tv.

this is the gift…

and i am
one of the few
lucky enough
to have solved
its mystery.

Love this one, John. Gonna be a pick, later.

milner

Thought you might Mil.

Far Far FAR stronger if ended at gift.

Just an honest opinion John.

B.

I agree with both Milner and Brian, though it's nice to end a poem with "mystery."

Rick

Agree with Milner and Brian and Rick. Oh, we're ganging up now, John. Seriously, this is quite wonderful. Seriously, last S is flat (and title, I think, too). The "gift" in the penultimate stanza is, already, the ability to appreciate, right?--somebody else could do the same overt activities and write "this is the hell." So it's unnecessary, and anyway, why take credit for a gift? As to title, what does it matter whether other people appreciate their lives, marriages, whatever? That's maybe another poem. Keep the simple purity that is this one's calling card, IMHO. -Tom

i like how this ends, id say keep it as is.

Suiting the action... up she goes.

milner

thank you, Milner! 

Oh. I like this quite a bit. Such love and easiness. Really lovely.

i hate explaining myself.  i really really do.  it sounds egotistical and there's no safe way to get around it.  in doing so, one always looks bad.  but if i ended the poem at "gift" it'd be a nice safe normal poem.  tacking on the last stanza makes it mine.
john

It certainly does John, won't argue with that.

Cheers.

B.

thanks, Brian!  and Lotus...man, you beat me to it!
thanks.
john

I take back my suggestion about dropping the last S. This is more than a simple paean, and when John said the last S “makes it mine”, I think he means that it extends the poem into one of his key themes.

“I left this turd” frankly and ironically asked the question “of what possible interest is to others is something that I value simply because it came from me?” This poem goes further, I see, in its S. The N says “full enjoyment of these deep, simple things is a great gift—but wait, what I really enjoy too is feeling superior to other people who just don’t get it like I do!” The persistent presence of narcissistic thinking even in the full enjoyment of other “more advanced” pleasures is a truth and a good theme. Took me a while... -Tom

Simply I feel this poem deserves more chances to be red, I mean to stay a while on the “front page”.
Vasile

Well said, and picked, Vasile. Seeing yet another of John Yamrus's poems on the front page, brings me to remark what a great forum this is. It brings together so many with varying approaches and opinions. Most magazines (this isn't a mag), will tend to either favour and publish either work from what I loosely describe as the 'academic' and 'non-academic' approaches to poetry, but rarely both. Here the twain meet and manage to co-exist without acrimony (Ok, a few friendly niggles). Long live the forum.

Cheers

milner

thanks milner...and thank you, vasile...
i could weigh in about the "academic" vs "non-academic" styles, but i don't have the days and days it would take me to even start airing my ideas...let's just have it said that this is a rare forum where the two can meet and share space.
     and don't get me started on the specialness of this space...this forum...i love the fact that if someone posts a piece of crap, it's called a piece of crap.  there's no "nice write" or "great read" here.  i know of several people who i've sent to this site who just came and WATCHED, just happy to be able to see some pretty heavy hitters stretch their muscles.
  jy

Yes, this forum is special not only because it is the place where “the two styles can meet and share space”, as you say very well, John, but especially because there is a mixture of passion for the art of poetry and professionalism in the attitude toward writing that rarely can be found elsewhere. So, yes, Milner: Long live the forum!

Vasile

A wonderful choice Vasile, wonderful choice.