he only hires
pretty girls
i knew that
as soon as i handed
in the application
the rest of the
cashiers are
brooding brunettes
and a young
brassy blonde
steve was pissed
off, "you always get hired,
and you've only been
looking for three days!"
i've never
had a
boss that
wasn't a
man
i've found
older men
to be
worse than
their younger
counterparts
i thought about
quitting
but the hours are good,
the place close, and it's
not cold
i've dabbled
in the notion
of school, but
i'd rather keep
the cashier job,
besides who says
there will be a
job waiting in
four years?
truth is i can't
grow up
even though my
life is moving
in that direction
my parents
abandoned me
with nothing
i'm engaged
and
looking for
a new apt.
after a
disastrous
few months
that led
to us living
at my
mother-in-law's house
im not
ready to
spend my
money on
bullshit classes
instead of
good
times
and
possible
profits
from a
degree
don't move me
as much
as the mountains
and seas of
my adventures.

I like the mountains moving you. Nit: im or i'm? The poem has a lot of irony in the "good times" being purchased consist of living with mother-in-law, cashiering for lech, and not being cold! The "mountains and seas" of her adventures are fantasy, and the reality being paid is perhaps real. But there is no reason to conclude that it's a good or bad bargain. She likes it.
You give us a good look at a person in "work," and that is always interesting. Tom

I'm struggling to find justification for the incessant line breaks. For what reason do any of these deserve the privilege of a whole line:

the rest of the
had a
wasn't a
to be
worse than
there will be a
even though my
and
after a
at my
im not
instead of
good
times
and
possible
from a
as much

I'm not saying that you don't have intent behind it - just that I fail to see it, and am curious what it is. The whole thing seems quite prosaic to me,

Thanks

James

I like the way the words fall in this cataract of dribble (don't mean that badly) from the lips, Jess. Also admire the content. Will be a pick.

milner

As a teacher it killllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllls me.

But I get and am in with JTH about the line breaks.

Why is a 'cataract of dribble' in any way relevant to the content of the poem? To me, this is just prose with the enter key running rampage. I hope that doesn't sound rude, I'm just trying to open a discussion.

Thanks,

James

What is and isn't 'poetry' will be discussed as long as it's written, James. If you want a discussion on this, please start it on the 'Discussions' board.

Meanwhile, I'm picking this.

milner

With all due respect Milner, I'm not really looking for a discussion on the nature of poetry itself. I specifically wanted to discuss the merits of this particular poem, which is, I assume, the raison d'etre of the 'reply' section.

Thanks,

James

Enjoyed the piece the sharp drop of the lines adds a certain introspection.

Mel

I think Tom's analysis has very clearly identified the strengths of this rather deft piece. The line brealks give it a suitably babbly quality.

I second James regarding the form. I found the line-breaks to be nothing more than a distraction. Perhaps I'm missing something, but they seem completely arbitrary; I fail to see their connection to the content (which I did enjoy). I think it's a perfectly reasonable debate to have.

I might have made the line breaks different if it were my poem but it's not . :)

Each poet breaks lines for their own reasons. Me - I do it by instinct, it's the natural place for me to pause if I were reading aloud or perhaps it's the place where I want to create a pause before introducing an idea.

This poem works for me mostly. It's like a register tape with an interesting total at the bottom.

Jess, not to be a noodge, but you alternate "i'm" and "im"...I don't want anyone distracted from the fine poem!

i'm engaged
and
looking for
a new apt.
after a
disastrous
few months
that led
to us living
at my
mother-in-law's house
im not

--Tom

sorry for not commenting, i didnt realize! this piece started off with punctuation, but then i threw it all to the wind, i like it as a ramble, its actually a two-piece, the other half in my journal titled mountains and seas

I like the format---seems to help the feel of the free-association-type ramble going on.  I love the tone.   The ending was great.   My only bump was "truth is, i can't grow up..."  the examples did fine without the telling.   Really interesting, I've come back to it a few times.

Lynne

I was attracted to the colloquial tone of this piece, the simplicity; it's something of a throwback to the schools of writing that arose out of the Beats. The story itself is interesting, I find--and the voice, the honesty. You can't fake this type of honesty. Or if you can, you did a good job of it.

I agree with an earlier commentator who said you need to be consistent with apostrophes.

More than happy to see this front page, Jess, Congratulations.

milner

boring ramble throughout, predictable ending, hated . . . wait up, no that's something else, this one I quite like.



Gratz Jessica. You deserve the recognition.

B.

It is awesome to see this on the Front Page!

i said it before and i'll say it again...you are all meat, no filler.

yay!

Somehow this piece reminded me of your work, John. I thought you'd pick it as well.

Congrats! -Tom

this was very exciting! thank you all for taking an interest. as a side note, this was an autobiographical piece.

How fine to find this front page!  Congrats! and well deserved.  lynn

Congrats, Jess. It must be me that is missing something.


cheers

James

i've often commented on the similarities between jess's poems and those of acknowledged masters like Todd Moore and Lyn Lifshin, both of whom are fans of extremely short lines.  in Moore's case he takes the thing even further, breaking his lines in the middle of words.  on the surface, it looks like it's done for no apparent reason, when in actuality it's done to (a.) get your attention and (b) to ramp up the importance of each and every word.  it's a bold and risky move.  not everyone's going to get it and not everyone's going to enjoy it.  it is what it is.  poetry on the edge. 
lavonne said something pretty relevant concerning this poem:

"I might have made the line breaks different if it were my poem but it's not . "

Jess (as young as she is) is a writer of talent and intellect and truth...she's earned the right to take us to new places.  i, for one, am more than happy to follow.
john yamrus

My problem, John, when admiring someone with a style like Todd Moore, is that I almost daren't go near it myself because they do it supremely well. But that's maybe another 'Discussion', and not to be pursued on this thread.

Cheers

milner

milner, i agree on all points.
jy

To me, John, the relentless breaking of lines serves to cheapen the effect of words, and actually numbs my attention. I enjoy the 'bold and risky' in poetry; I just don't think that the house which Mr. Bold and Mrs. Risky live in is built out of one-foot scaffolding, ya dig?

I think to say that it is poetry on the edge is a bit of a jump, and that you would say so reflects more on the fact that this style of writing aligns with your own; I'm opposed to the idea that it reflects an actual authorial bravery, in most cases.

But there's no point trying to squeeze a square into a circle.

Thanks,

James

Solid ending, Jess.

Maggie

I loved this when I first read it and I love it now. Glad to see it on the front page, Jess.
Jill

I'm shocked to hear Moore is still going. Lost track of him back in the 80s.

I agree with this more often than not. I just take poems on a case-by-case basis. I really could never work with lines as short as those here.

The irony works toward poetic effect here, Jess, and this is not the main reason I like the poem. The naturalness of displaying facts of life is another one.
Vasile

Yes, Jay, Todd's very much alive and writing. You'll find some of his work on Outlaw Poetry  http://outlawpoetry.com   RD Armstrong publishes some of his poetry at Lummox Press. Among other things he's still working on his epic 'Dillinger'. Living in or near Albuquerque.

Cheers

milner