A blue bowl, dark as the waters off Crete,
holds artichokes bigger than pomegranates.

Inside, the small hairy heart closes.
Outside, the armor aligns.


Sharpened sky, light as an albino’s eyes,
holds pelicans taut in a swift line like arrows

with heads too big.  When sky looses its bow
the arrows plunge into a sea full of fish.


Dark as the waters off Crete, a heart opens,
ruby seeds nested in yellow flesh.  We are

blind in the school of swimming silver. 
Peeled and undone, we are fed.

This is quite marvelous, Lynn. The images perfect and fabulous, and they accumulate so well, till very moving toward the end--but for one nit: I always thought albino's eyes were pinkish. If so, that one image doesn't work for me, as is. ~Tom

hmmm -- I'm remembering a horse named Sally from my youth.  She had one dark eye and one very nearly white.  My dad used to call her albino.  But that doesn't mean she was by a long stretch.  hmmm.  That will be a tricky image to replace, but sounds as if it needs to be done.  Thanks, Tome -- mucho aprreciated.

lynn

p.s. -- just as I went to post this comment I thought the remedy might be to omit blue and go with A sky, light as [etc.]  Again, thanks.

p.s.s. Went with blossom to modify sky; thought it might work with other flora, plus hint at turn in tone ... ?

Extraordinary!

larry

I think "blossom" is too gauzy for this poem, would very much like to see something sharper, more concrete and vivid here. ~Tom

sharpened sky, light  as an albino's thighs 

?

Larry -- thank you!  very. much.

me

Loved the imagery and the use of repetition in this one, Lynn.

Your "sharpened sky" idea would tie in well, I think, with the "armor" that proceeds it and then the "arrows" that follow. It seems to fit better than "blossom sky."

The title is interesting but I'm uncertain as to whether it is distracting or precisely what is required. Hm. Aren't you glad I mention it and then refrain from offering a solid opinion?

Enjoyed the read.

- Yvonne

I am glad!  This one almost went up with "untitled" and then I decided, Well, just put what it is that is and thus the current title . . . but I am open to suggestions; and solid, or soft, opinions always welcome.

Yes, on the sharpened sky -- leaves sthe reader to determine the look of it, but the emotion of it comes through I think.  Am pretty certain Tom didn't have in mind that I use the word he used to describe what he felt I needed . . . but, hey, if it works ... right?

Thanks for the look and kind words.

lynn

Much to admire here, very visual and superb last line.

Sorry to be repetitive but I had problems (that may be the wrong word) with the areas mentioned already: the title and the albino eyes. The former because it makes me step outside the poem and question intent (not a bad thing per se), the latter because I imagine those eyes to be more milky pink, and not sharp at all.
Also the two short sentences in S2 stand out because of the long sentences everywhere else. Probably your exact intent, but that gives me pause again regards intent. Not a nit, just thought you should know the effect it has on this reader, something for you to consider maybe? Maybe not.

B.

By the way Chicky, love the new avatar. Nice to see at least half of your face :)

B.

Thanks, B.  I "cartoonized" it with lens effects on PhotoSuite.  Pretty serious stuff, eh?

As re: the title ----> step inside the bowl of my mind Sr. Brian, I will break open a pomegranate for you, put a pelican in my strong bow, fire into the swimming silver . . .

Yes, the short sentences are intentional; meant to create a sort of tension that all is not the same, equal, balanced -- nor intended to be.

Interesting take I guess I have on albino eyes -- they are so peculiar, so not the norm, or even just a blue-white blind eye, a dead eye, an eye or eyes not the norm, too pale -- any of these make me take a sharp intake of breath.  They catch me off guard, the surprise of no pigmentation. 

Sharpened may not be the word, but not quite ready to let it go yet.  The title can go any time, just don't have one to replace this one with [which has already changed once btw].

Just finished a cento; lines from Neruda, The Heights of Macchu Picchu. 

Thanks for comments, B.  Always welcome and appreciated.

Lynn - I'm blown away by this - moving it is a supreme pleasure - xo M

ps.  Even though some of the images are strange - they pull me in instead of kicking me out of the poem - they make me want to read it again - wade in it - taste it - figure it out -

Well deserving of a pick! I love the revised title, Lynn. The power of reduction.

- Yvonne